I STUPIDLY forgot when saying what I was thankful for at dindin for remind the world of how thankful I am to be facebook friendz with the ClAsSy, ElEgAnT, aRtIcUlAtE pHiLoSoPhEr that is Mah BFF, Ashley M (we shall leave her anonymous-ish so that we do not take up her presh time with our plebian messages of love and adoration). This Princess of My Heart and I shared a beautiful summer together lifeguarding together, though honestly I probably let a few lil rug rats float off to the big Chuckie Cheese Ballpit in the sky since I was so focused on making sure Ashley did not tumble from her high regal lifeguard throne. The instant I accepted her generous and humbling friend request, my newsfeed was graced by her hourly status updates, giving my undeserving self an honest look into the emotions of a true angel.
I have to say, when I’m feeling down because some boy throws up violently on my heels when I proposition him, or Snaxa is out of the plasticky glory that is the Nerds Rope, I just steal a few moments to revisit Ashley’s facebook page. This shrine of dignity always cheers me up, and gives me hope that I too may find twue wuv that I may announce dramatically to the werld. This past summer, whenever work was slow, I would bless the office with an Ashley M Quote of the Day, which they all reflected upon, and adjusted their ignorant lives accordingly.
Ashley lives a life that would make Marissa Cooper scurry back to Tijuana and down another bottle of meds. This beacon of feminine grace is clearly in the midst of an epic high school love affair, and she has the kindness to share with all 1300 of her facebook biffles. God bless those friendz that I have seen like her precious statuses over and over throughout the years. Even when she is sad and can’t call this cruel man that keeps playin gamez wiv her heart, Ashley’s close friends like her statuses to remind her that publicizing this dramz is absolutely the best move for her social life.
I have offered only a slice of this delicious love cake, but rest assured this tumultuous romance has been dominating my newsfeed for a full year now, and thus there may be more to come.
Because true love knows no bounds, including norms of privacy.
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